Once upon a time, in a small city far away, lived a smart-ass Jewess, who like most Jewish folk of the world, rang in the Jewish new year by atoning for her sins and celebrating the most Jewish of things: guilt. Yes, we have a holiday dedicated to guilt… Well, technically it’s a holiday dedicated to forgiveness, not guilt but really, they go hand in hand.
This year, unlike previous ones, I actually decided to “take Yom Kippur seriously”. I mean, I’ve fasted my whole adult life - and yes, I mean the Jewish “adult” version, as in, every year since I was 13, but or the first time in my life I actually sat myself down and decided to forgive myself for some things I’d been carrying around and have some tough conversations with myself (as well as with those who I’d wronged during 5780).
As the break-fast hour came closer, my hunger and my moodiness grew. Somewhere around hour 20 of fasting, inspiration struck. I decided that the best way to organize my thoughts and make a clear plan of action to be a better Me this new year was to make a list of all the way I’d fucked myself over in the past and all the ways I could get better and not fucking up again.
So, here it is: Shit I need to get better at from here on.
1. Picking the men I date and not ignoring red flags:
If he lies about his age on a dating app, if he refuses to wear a condom when you guys have sex, if he talks badly about his mother or sister, if he shows no real interest in my life, if he calls me a “bra-burning feminist” as a way to try to shame me into submission, if he disappears for a month without a trace and then comes back like nothing happened… Run. No matter how charming they seem, save yourself the heartache and anxiety attacks. They are not worth your time.
2. Spending time with my family and accepting that they, too, are human and have flaws:
Sadly, we all would like to think as our parents as eternal beings, but the truth is they’re only human. It’s scary to think that the amount of time we have with them is finite, and that every moment that goes by is one moment less we get to spend with them. It’s also quite unsettling to realize that they are not in fact perfect; that they make mistakes. As kids, we all like to pretend that our parents know it all, can handle it all and can make no mistakes, I guess in a way because we know deep down that there’s some of them in us and we want to be that “perfect”, too. As adults, we realize that no parent is faultless, and it scares us for the exact same reason, because there’s some of them in us.
3. Working harder on what I actually want to do with my life and stop making excuses for myself:
Sure, Covid-19 screwed most of us over and ruined many plans, but the truth is, you sometimes (most of the time) make excuses for yourself, for not following through with that you *really* want to do. That’s not going to get things moving. As cliché as it sounds, your dreams will only work out if you put the work in, too. So stop blaming the economy, or your (usually inexistent) love life, or your parents, or Covid… Stop being so afraid of hard work.
4. Being more vocal about the social and political topics I feel passionate about:
Yes, this include no longer voting for the “conservative” party in any upcoming elections just because your family personally benefits from it. Your ideals rarely align with your family’s anymore, and your vote and life project/life plan should reflect that more than the way you were brought up to be. Use your voice to educate people on feminism and why it is still very much needed. As much as you doubt yourself sometimes, people listen to you; people follow where you lead. So lead!
5. Taking better care of my mental health:
Yes, therapy is expensive, but it’s damn well worth it. The effect of that session you’re planning to skip will be far more impactful on your life than the new sandals you’re thinking of getting. Also, allow yourself to unfollow everyone who doesn’t contribute something positive to your day, or to your life. Influencers, old college “friends”, exes, old hookups, your annoying pro-life aunt who doesn’t respect any opposing views.
6. Becoming a "better Jew”:
Since you no longer doubt the validity of your Jewishness, it’s your responsibility and yours alone to keep learning, keep growing and keep figuring out how to finally go through conversion. Stop making excuses (re-read point number 3 if needed).
For the sake of accountability, I decided to make this list public and turn it into some much needed blog content. Welcome to the mind of a hangry Jewess… It’s a mess, but then again, most of this year - both 2020 and 5780 - has been, so I guess it matches the vibe we have going on here.
Some break-fast rosé never killed nobody.
Xo,
C.