I guess you could say im not a people’s person. I have a (very) small circle of around 5-10 close friends and that’s about it. I mean yeah, i have other friends, i have school friends and childhood friends, high school friends but i only really open up to very few people.
Not counting my family (and even then, i dont tell me parents eeeeverything. Sorry, mom! Sorry, dad!). I can count the number of people that know every single detail about me with one hand. I dont let my guard down. Like, ever. Although some people might say i give my trust away too easy, i know i put up walls. I put up walls with friends, boyfriends, family members and pretty much everyone around me. They only get to know the version of me that i allow them to. I mean, it’s not like I have some deep, dark secret to hide from the world. I’m not a serial killer, or anything like that; I’m just a private person.
Recently, the chance of letting go of all that fear, letting my guard down for a while and just trust, presented itself to me, and I dediced to take it. Some people might not understand why I chose this time, and not the many others before it, and even I myself don’t fully understand why I made the desicion this time. All I know is I did, it was one of the most empowering things I have ever done to this day, and I don’t regret doing it. I realized opening up in that way with someone made me feel amazing about myself. Just trusting someone with your deepest, darkest secrets, and knowing you made the right choice to not only trust them with all this knowledge, but also trust yourself enough to stop holding back is just one of the best things I have done for myself.
I cried, I laughed, I got angry. That day one of the biggest emotional rollercoaser rides I’ve been on (and the people that know me even the slightest will know I’ve been on quite a few), but like I said before, it was one of the most glorious feelings. I can’t even begin to explain it, but it felt a little like dropping heavy weights after carrying them around for years.
I guess I should start throwing those walls down. Maybe I will, little by little. I mean, Rome wasn’t built in a day! Like Real Housewife of New York, Ramona Singer says, “I know I’m a piece of work, but now, I’m a work in progress.” (Yes, I watch RHONY and I LOVE IT!)
- C.