This post was orginally supposed to be one of those “reflecting on the past year” cliché posts everyone does the last and first 2 days of each year. I was gonna write down all my new year’s resolutions and just make up a post that would gather some likes, because, come on, everyone likes all that “Happy New Year” crap, so i decided against it. I decided I’m going to do this my way.
Yes, 2014 was a year in which i achieved so many things, lost some other, but mostly, I just enjoyed myself. Last year I cried so many times I lost count, I laughed untill my stomach hurt more than once, I opened up to new people and let go of those I didn’t need anymore. I lost my scholarship, got it back, was on the brink of failing (something that 4 years ago I wouldn’t have minded, really) and almost had a nervous breakdown over it, passed and still lost my scholarship for other reasons. I gave all i had to give in some ways, but also gave bare minimmun in others. I didn’t keep quiet and spoke my mind when I needed to, but I also learned how to pick my battles. Overall, I am proud of who I was the last 365 days.
I decided to write today, mostly because I am a few hours away from officialy starting thesis year, and even though its exciting, I’m also scared as fuck. (I’m allowed to say fuck here, okay? This is my blog.) The next months will be the last months of my college career, and after I’ll be joining the adult world, where there’s no 4 month vacation periods, or superiors giving permission to miss a day of work. The real world is only a couple of months away, and as exciting as it is to leave behind my studend days, I’m also terrified of what comes next.
Thesis year sounded so far away that hot August morning when it all started. I was so eager to be part of this school and this world that I knew nothing about. The last 3 and a half years have made me get to know this world i’m part of now, and even though its cut-throat and scary and mean sometimes, its also beautiful and I couldnt be more proud of my choice to be part of it. I have learned so much so far, and while i’m aware that I still have a long way to go, I’ve discovered so many things I love to do. But with options, come the doubts.
I love writing, I always have. I love shoes, but then again, what girl doesn’t? I love creating, designing a collection, watching my ideas come to life. No, I dont like sewing. I like event-planning and the thrill of it all. No, I don’t like dealing with lazy-ass people, and yes I have a no-nonsense attitude that some might hate. I like helping people, I like teaching other what I know, I like little kids and talking a lot. I like the buisness side of things too. All these options could be possible career paths for me, but loving so many things only makes it that much harder to pick just one.
I decided this year that I wouldnt have resolutions. Nope, I just have one: I’m going to become the best version of me I possibly can. In every aspect I can. Last year I learned that a 8.8 average doesnt make me any worse than someone who has a 9.0. I learned that I am no better or worse person because I don’t fit into a sample size. This year, I’ll be me, just me. I will become the best “me” I can. I have the next 11 and a half months for that. I’ll take no one’s shit, and ill figure out what I want. I’ll give my all on thesis, even though I might not like or even know all the members on my team just yet. (I’m pretty sure I can deal with them, though, after all, no one in the Worst Generation Ever was murdered by a classmate last semester!) I will present a killer thesis exam, and graduate in time for Christmas. I will look better too, if not for health, maybe for vain reasons like looking awesome in the class pictures. I will make future me proud. This is a promise I made myself last year, and everything turned out great, so I intend to do the same this year.
-C.